Bracebridge and The Ghosts of Christmas Past; Up On Alice Street

Muskoka Winter Scene by Fred Schulz

THE FOLK HISTORY I LIVED, THE FOLK STORIES I GENERATED, AND THE REAL TOWN I FOUND.....GROWING-UP IN BRACEBRIDGE

THIS STUFF ISN'T IN A BOOK - IT'S IN CYBERSPACE

     COME ON. YOU DID SOME CRAZY STUFF AS A KID. DON'T BE SHY. IT'S PART OF THE TERRITORY. IT'S WHAT GROWING INTO MATURITY IS ALL ABOUT. DOING STUFF. SEEING THE AFTERMATH, AND THEN RUNNING LIKE HELL, SO IT'S PINNED ON SOMEONE ELSE. THERE'S A CHILDHOOD STATUTE OF LIMITATION ANYWAY. IT WON'T BE HELD AGAINST YOU, BY ME, AT LEAST. I HAVE A LOT OF STUFF I'M NOT PROUD OF, BUT GOSH, I ALWAYS COMMITTED MY MISDEMEANOURS IN PLAIN VIEW. MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO GLOSS OVER THE BAD STUFF; TALKING IN RETROSPECT, WITH CONSTIPATED CONFESSIONALS LIKE, "THOSE WERE THE DAYS," OR "WE'VE ALL DONE THINGS WE'RE NOT PROUD OF," AND "THEY'LL GET OVER IT;" REFERRING OF COURSE TO THE TIME YOU JAMMED THE KID WITH THE THICK GLASSES, DOWN THE COAL CHUTE AT RECESS. I DID. I'M NOT PROUD OF IT, BUT IT'S PART OF MY BIOGRAPHY NOW. GEORGE HASN'T TALKED TO ME SINCE AND THAT WAS BACK IN GRADE THREE. I HAVE LIVED IN FEAR, THAT GEORGE GREW INTO A GIANT OF A MAN, WHO STILL HARBORS A GRUDGE.
     I ENJOYED MY CHILDHOOD. WHEN WE LIVED IN BURLINGTON, I WAS THE KING OF THE RAMBLE CREEK RAVINE, UP ON HARRIS CRESCENT. WHEN WE MOVED TO BRACEBRIDGE, I BECAME THE TRANSPLANTED KING OF BAMFORD'S WOODS, THE FORESTED HALF ACRE BETWEEN TORONTO AND ALICE STREETS. I WAS AN OUTDOOR'S KID, AND MY MOTHER LIKED IT THAT WAY. BY GOOD FORTUNE, BUT LESSER PLANNING, WE LIVED IN AN APARTMENT ON ALICE STREET THAT HAD A SAND PIT, ON THE HILLSIDE BEHIND, A WOOD LOT ACROSS THE ROAD, ANOTHER FOREST KNOWN AS "THE GROVE," A BLOCK AWAY, AND A FIELD BY THE HYDRO YARD ON BAYSVILLE ROAD, WHERE WE COULD PLAY FOOTBALL IN THE AUTUMN OF THE YEAR. THERE WERE TWO CORNER STORES CARVED INTO BAMFORD'S WOODS. ONE WAS BLACK'S VARIETY, ON THE WEST CORNER, OF TORONTO STREET, AND THE OTHER WAS BAMFORD'S STORE, ON THE EAST END, PART OF FRED AND MARY BAMFORD'S "WOODLEY PARK COTTAGES." BETWEEN BLACKS AND BAMFORDS, WERE SIX OR SEVEN SMALL RENTAL COTTAGES, NICELY SET INTO THE MIXED FOREST OF PINES AND HARDWOODS. YOU COULDN'T SEE THROUGH THE BLOCK, FROM THE TORONTO STREET SIDE, AND FRED WAS NICE ENOUGH, TO ALLOW US HUNT'S HILL KIDS (A BRACEBRIDGE NEIGHBORHOOD) TO PLAY THERE. IT WAS ONLY A SMALL SLICE OF THICK VEGETATIONS, AND SOME "SWINGING TREES," THAT WE TRAVELLED THROUGH LIKE MONKEYS.....UNTIL ONE OF OUR CHUMS FELL AND NEARLY BROKE HER BACK. AFTER THE AMBULANCE LEFT THE SCENE, OUR PARENTS GROUNDED THE REST OF US. UNTIL THEY WEREN'T LOOKING, THAT IS!
     AS AN HISTORIAN, WITH A LITTLE MILEAGE LEFT ON THE GUAGE, I WANTED TO RECORD A BIT MORE OF THE FOLK HERITAGE I HELPED FORGE, IN THE BRACEBRIDGE I KNEW FROM THE MID 1960'S, RIGHT UP TO THE TIME, IN THE LATE 1980'S, WHEN OUR FAMILY MOVED TO GRAVENHURST. IT'S PUBLIC RECORD THAT I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY THE TOWN WAS BEING SUBJECTED TO URBAN SPRAWL, AND THE COUNCILS OF THE DAY, WERE, IN MY OPINION, GETTING OVERLY RECKLESS WITH DEVELOPMENT GENERALLY. I RAN FOR COUNCIL IN THE LATE 1980'S, AND MY PLATFORM WAS ALL ABOUT PAUSING FOR AWHILE, INSTEAD OF GOING CRAZY ON THIS ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT INITIATIVE. ALL DEVELOPMENT ISN'T GOOD, AND ISN'T SUITED TO AN AREA, WHERE THE NUMBER ONE INDUSTRY IS TOURISM. INSTEAD OF BUILDING ACCOMMODATION FOR VISITORS, THERE WAS A PENCHANT TO GOBBLE UP LAND WITH GLORIFIED STRIP MALLS. I HATED IT, BUT THE PEOPLE WANTED MORE AND MORE. SO OF COURSE, THEY WEREN'T GOING TO ELECT ANYONE WHO PROCLAIMED THAT DEVELOPERS WERE BAD FOR OUR FUTURE. SO I WAS BEATEN AT THE POLLS, BY AN ELDERLY CHAP WHO EVERYONE, IT SEEMED, COULD GET ALONG WITH.....AND WHO DIDN'T INSPIRED MUCH IN THE WAY OF CONTROVERSY. JUST WALKING INTO A ROOM, I CAN CAUSE A STIR, SO I UNDERSTOOD, WHY IT WAS A GREATER PERCEIVED RISK, PUTTING ME AT THE COUNCIL TABLE INSTEAD.
     I STARTED THINKING ABOUT THIS RECENTLY, AND VERY KEENLY, AFTER A PROJECT I WORKED ON LAST WINTER, REGARDING THE CHRONICLE OF BRACEBRIDGE'S RECREATIONAL HISTORY. I RECOGNIZED, DURING MY RESEARCH, HOW I HAD EXPERIENCED THE MOST PROFOUND CHANGE IN THE TOWN'S HISTORY, HAVING ARRIVED HERE IN THE MID 1960'S, WHEN THE SEEDS OF CHANGE HAD ALREADY BEEN PLANTED. I WATCHED IT ALL GROW IN FRONT OF ME, BUT I CONFESS TO NOT CARING, UNTIL THAT IS, THEY STARTED TO DESTROY THE PLACES I USED TO PLAY, TO HERALD THIS EARLY DEVELOPMENT. OF COURSE I WAS NAIVE. HOW CAN YOU STOP A TOWN FROM GROWING? A PASTURE, CLOSE TO THE URBAN AREA OF THE COMMUNITY, IS GOING TO HAVE SOMETHING BUILT ON IT, AS WAS THE CASE WITH BALL'S FLATS, (OF THE FORMER BALL'S FARM) FROM THE WELLINGTON STREET INTERSECTION, CONNECTING WITH HIGHWAY 118, WHERE TODAY THERE IS MAJOR COMMERCIAL DEVELOPMENT. WHEN CONDITIONS WERE RIGHT, IN MID DECEMBER, YOU COULD SKATE FOR A MILE ON INTERCONNECTING SMALL PONDS, ON THE ACREAGE PAST GORDON MOTORS, ON THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF THE INTERSECTION. ONCE THE ONLY COMMERCIAL PROPERTY ON THE STRIP OF PASTURE-LAND, THE OLD FARM PROPERTY WAS A FABULOUS PLACE FOR WINTER RECREATION, OPEN TO EVERYONE IN TOWN. NO CHARGE. TO SEE A CROWD OF SKATERS, MANY WITH SMALL LAMPS, SKATING OVER THOSE PONDS, IN A LIGHT SNOWFALL, WAS A TRULY MAGNIFICENT SCENE. I DON'T KNOW IF ANY ARTIST OR PHOTOGRAPHER CAPTURED ONE OF THOSE PLEASANT NIGHTS, AS HISTORIC AND TRADITIONAL AS THE TOWN ITSELF....BUT SUFFICE THAT I CAN OFFER THESE WORDS AS A GESTURE OF FOND REMEMBRANCE.
     TO PROVE MY POINT, THAT THESE REMINISCENSES WERE OF VALUE, TO LOVERS OF FOLK AND ANECDOTAL HISTORY, I CONVINCED THE PUBLISHER OF THE MUSKOKA ADVANCE, TO BUDGET ME SOME WEEKLY COLUMN SPACE. MY COLUMN ON HISTORIC BRACEBRIDGE, MORPHED GRADUALLY, INTO A MORE FOLKISH GLIMPSE BACK.....NOT INTO THE DEEP RECESSES OF LOCAL HISTORY, BUT FROM MY OWN VINTAGE. I KNEW THIS HAD BEEN THE PERIOD OF CALM BEFORE THE STORM OF DEVELOPMENT INTERESTS. THEY WERE THE LAST YEARS OF WHAT I CONSIDERED THE OLD TOWN. I KNEW THIS AS FACT, WHEN I BECAME EDITOR OF THE HERALD-GAZETTE, IN THE EARLY 1980'S, AND IT'S WHAT WE WERE REPORTING ON OUR FRONT PAGES THEREAFTER. CAPITAL INVESTMENT WAS COMING OUT OF THE WOODWORK, AND THE CHARACTER OF THE TOWN WAS CHANGING FAST. THERE WERE MANY READERS, ESPECIALLY COUNCILLORS AND INVESTORS, WHO BELIEVED I WAS COVERTLY WORKING TO DE-RAIL THEIR PLANS FOR A BIGGER, BETTER BRACEBRIDGE. HOW COULD THE OLD TOWN SURVIVE IF IT DIDN'T EXPAND, AND ACCEPT INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY; REGARDLESS OF THE NATURE OF THE PRESCRIBED PROGRESS IT WOULD OFFER THE OFTEN BEFUDDLED CITIZENRY. MOST WHO, BY THE WAY, HAD NO IDEA OF THE COLLATERAL DAMAGE, BEING CAUSED, BY EXPANDING THE URBAN BOUNDARY. I SUPPOSE IN MY OWN RETROSPECT, I DID WANT TO REMIND READERS, THAT BRACEBRIDGE WAS BEING COMPROMISED, BY "TOO MUCH, TOO SO0N," BUT BY THE EARLY 1990'S I'D MOVED SOUTH TO GRAVENHURST ANYWAY, SO IT DIDN'T MATTER WHAT WAS BEING DEVELOPED TO THE NORTH......AS LONG AS IT'S WHAT THE PUBLIC WANTED. MOSTLY, IT CAN BE SAID, THEY WANTED THE ECONOMIC DIVERSITY. WHAT THEY GOT, WAS TOO LITTLE INDUSTRIAL AND MANUFACTURING INVESTMENT, AND TOO MUCH RETAIL. IN THE EARLY 1990'S THIS CAME TO A HEAD, WITH THAT PERIOD'S NATIONAL RECESSION, AND MANY ENTERPRISES FAILED. I SAW MORE BUSINESS FAILURES PACKED INTO FIVE YEARS, THAN I'D SEEN IN THE YEARS FROM 1966 TO 1989. OUR FAMILY WAS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL, WITH OUR ANTIQUE BUSINESS, LOCATED ON UPPER MANITOBA STREET, BELOW WHAT IS STILL "MARTIN FRAMING." THESE WERE GRIM YEARS FOR A LOT OF PREVIOUSLY HALE AND HARDY BUSINESSES WITH A SOLID HISTORY. TOO MANY STORES, TOO FEW DOLLARS TO KEEP THEM ALL OPEN.
     ALL OF THOSE NEWSPAPER COLUMNS, IN THE FIRST FOUR YEARS, WERE WRITTEN IN OUR BASEMENT SHOP, ON MANITOBA STREET. I HAD A LOT OF TIME BETWEEN CUSTOMERS. I ALSO WROTE FOUR MANUSCRIPTS DURING THE SAME PERIOD. BUT NO ONE CAN ACCUSE ME OF BEING DISJOINTED FROM THE MAINSTREET ACTION. WHEN MY CRONIES CAME IN, WE WOULD TALK FOR HOURS ABOUT THE STATE OF THE TOWN, AND THE LATEST NEWS OF BUSINESS CLOSURES, AND MUTUAL FRIENDS WHO WERE IN DANGER OF LOSING THEIR HOMES.....AFTER HAVING JUST LOST THEIR JOBS. IT WAS A GREAT MOTIVATION FOR ME THEN, TO BEGIN WRITING ABOUT WHAT I UNDERSTOOD, FROM AN HISTORICAL POINT OF VEIW, HAD BEEN THE CLEAR POINT OF CHANGE FROM THE TOWN WE KNEW, WHEN WE ARRIVED, TO THE TOWN I WITNESSED DEALING WITH THE EXCESSES OF THE 1990'S.....AND THE CONSEQUENCE OF NOT EXPECTING THERE COULD EVER BE A DOWNTURN IN THE ECONOMY.
     I LIKED THE PERIOD OF THE MID 1960'S TO 1974 THE BEST. THE TOWN HAD BEEN GENERALLY CONTENT, TO GROW, BUT BY SENSIBLE PROPORTION. THE COMING OF REGIONAL GOVERNMENT, IN THE LATE 1960'S, CREATED THE SIX LARGE MUNICIPALITIES OF THE PRESENT DISTRICT OF MUSKOKA. THE DAYS OF VILLAGE SELF-GOVERNMENT HAD COME TO A CLOSE. IT WAS THE TIME FOR URBAN DEVELOPMENT AREAS TO EXPAND INTO THE HINTERLAND, AND IT WAS CLEAR, MUSKOKA WAS OPEN TO ECONOMIC SUGGESTION. IT HAPPENED, AND BECAME A LIVING REALITY; AND 1969 THERE BEGAN A PERIOD OF PROFOUND CHANGE THAT COULDN'T BE STOPPED......JUST DELAYED. WHEN YOU'RE A KID, HEARING ABOUT DEVELOPMENT, AT THE DINNER TABLE, IS LOW IMPACT. WATCHING THE LANDSCAPE CHANGE, BECAUSE YOU'RE STANDING AT THE EDGE OF THE CRATER, WHERE THE NEW PLAZA WAS BEING CONSTRUCTED, WAS NEAT, BUT FRIGHTENING AT THE SAME TIME. WE WERE EXCITED BY CHANGE, EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD AFFECT US, AND OUR MEANDERING AROUND THE COMMUNITY. THE HUNT'S HILL GANG, BY THE MID 1970'S HAD GROWN UP, AND WERE NOW MORE INTERESTED IN DATING, PARTIES AND DANCES AT THE HIGH SCHOOL. WE DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS IN BUILDING GO-CARTS, AND RACING THEM AT BREAK-NECK SPEED, DOWN FLYN'S HILL; OR SWINGING FROM THE TREES OF BAMFORD'S WOODS; OR EVEN PLAYING A SHORT YARDAGE GAME OF FOOTBALL, ON THE FRONT LAWN OF 129 ALICE STREET, THE APARTMENT-COMMUNE, WHERE SOME NEAT PEOPLE, ON A BUDGET, LIVED AND SOCIALIZED; IN A SMALL TOWN CULTURE THAT I FOUND PRECIOUS. HOW PRECIOUS?
     I DETERMINED, IN A MUCH LATER RESEARCH RETROSPECT, THAT IN THOSE DAYS, THE THREE FLOOR, TEN UNIT APARTMENT BLOCK, OWNED THEN BY HILDA AND WAYNE WEBER, WAS A CLEAR PARALLEL OF WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE LARGER URBAN AREA OF TOWN. FOLKS LIVED THERE, YOUNG AND THE ELDERLY, BECAUSE THE RENTS WERE AFFORDABLE. OUR FIRST RENT CHEQUE WAS MADE OUT BY MY FATHER, FOR ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVEN DOLLARS. WE HAD A TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT, ON THE THIRD FLOOR, EAST SIDE, THAT LOOKED OUT OVER BAMFORD'S WOODS......A BEAUTIFUL SCENE FOLLOWING AN EVENING SNOW. IT WAS OFTEN, IN THOSE FIRST TWO YEARS, THAT MY MOTHER WOULD HAVE TO ASK HILDA TO HOLD THE CHEQUE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, TO ACCOMMODATE THE COMING PAY DAY. THIS WAS CIRCA 1966. THAT FIRST CHRISTMAS, IN THE APARTMENT, MERLE HAD TO ASK HER BOSS, AT THE BANK OF NOVA SCOTIA BRANCH, ON MANITOBA STREET, FOR A LOAN TO GET THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS. MERLE WAS A TELLER, AND HER WONDERFULLY KIND MANAGER, WAS RALPH MELVIN. I NEVER FORGOT RALPH'S GENEROSITY TO OUR FAMILY, WHO AT THE TIME, HE BARELY KNEW. WHEN RALPH MELVIN BECAME A TOWN COUNCILLOR, AS A REPORTER, I FELT HE HAD THE BEST INSIGHT AND APPRECIATION FOR ALL THE CITIZENS OF THE TOWN.....AND THE DESPAIR MANY FELT AMIDST WHAT APPEARED TO BE A WELL-OFF COMMUNITY.
     WE SHARED A LOT IN THAT APARTMENT BUILDING, AND THE SOCIAL SCENE WAS EXCEPTIONAL. MOST RESIDENTS WERE COMFORTABLE LEAVING THEIR DOORS OPEN RIGHT THROUGH THE DAY; RESIDENTS COMING AND GOING BETWEEN APARTMENTS. IT WAS A NICE FEELING OF NEIGHBORHOOD, IN AN APARTMENT SETTING. IT WAS SORT OF LIKE THE COMIC STRIP, "MAJOR HOOPLES BOARDING HOUSE," IN A WAY, AND CERTAINLY OUT OF AN APPRECIATION FOR THE GOOD HUMOUR OF HAPPENSTANCE; BECAUSE TWO OF THE FREQUENT COMEDIC GUESTS, WERE HILDA AND WAYNE, WHO LIVED IN THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR. THEY WERE BOTH KINDLY SOULS, IN THEIR OWN SPECIAL WAYS. HILDA HAD SUFFERED NUMEROUS HEART ATTACKS, BUT REFUSED TO QUIT SMOKING, AND RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE. SHE WEIGHED ABOUT NINETY POINTS, BUT MOVED LIKE A JACK-RABBIT. SHE USED TO LOAN MONEY TO THOSE FACING HARD TIMES, AND SHE FORGAVE RENT OBLIGATIONS REGULARLY. WAYNE WAS A HEAVY DRINKER, AND NO ONE WHO KNEW HIM WOULD SAY DIFFERENTLY. YET EITHER WAY, HE WAS LIKE W.C. FIELDS, AND FULL OF GOOD CHEER, ESPECIALLY SO AT CHRISTMAS. SOMETIMES TOO MUCH CHEER. RUM SCENTED! HE'D COME UP TO OUR APARTMENT, ON CHRISTMAS EVE, USUALLY AFTER A FEW SHOTS, AND PLACE A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL ON OUR CHRISTMAS TREE.....FOR ME. SOME YEARS HE'D STAY FOR A DRINK OF EGG NOG, WITH RUM, AND ENJOY TALKING ABOUT THE OLD DAYS. ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS, HE'D FALL INTO THE TREE, TRYING TO SITUATE THE BILL, AND WE'D HAVE TO HAUL HIM UP.....AS HE WAS A BIG, BIG MAN, AND CARRY HIM BACK TO HILDA, WHO SOMETIMES WOULDN'T LET HIM IN....AND FREQUENTLY, MADE HIM SOBER-UP ON THE OUTSIDE STEP. ONE CHRISTMAS EVE, BEFORE BED, I LOOKED OUT FROM OUR WINDOW, AND SAW A STRANGE LUMP OF SNOW ON THE WALKWAY. IT MOVED. IT JUST DIDN'T GET UP. I CALLED MY DAD, AND AFTER A GLANCE OUTSIDE, SAID, "GOD, IT'S WAYNE. HE'LL FREEZE TO DEATH OUT THERE. COME AND HELP ME GET HIM HOME." WAYNE WOULD HAVE FROZEN TO DEATH THAT CHRISTMAS EVE, IF ONE OF US IN THAT APARTMENT, HADN'T BEEN UP AND ABOUT. HILDA HAD GONE TO BED. DON'T GET ME WRONG. YES, HE WAS A CHARACTER AND HURT HIMSELF VERY MUCH WITH BOOZE. AS A HUMAN BEING, HE WAS A GRAND CHAP, WHO HAD A SOFT SPOT IN HIS HEART, THAT FOLKS KNEW WAS CONNECTED BY EMOTION TO HIS WALLET. WHEN HE DIED, QUITE A WHILE BACK, IT COULD BE SAID HONESTLY, AMONGST HIS FRIENDS IN THIS TOWN, THAT THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, WAS OWED WAYNE WEBER......THAT HAD NEVER BEEN PAID BACK. HE WAS WHAT YOU MIGHT LABEL, IF YOU FELT COMPELLED TO DO SO, AS BEING, "AN EASY MARK," OR "OR TOO GENEROUS FOR HIS OWN GOOD." BUT I NEVER ONCE REMOVED THAT TWENTY DOLLARS FROM THE CHRISTMAS TREE, AND STUFFED IT BACK INTO HIS POCKET. HE WOULD HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY HURT BY THAT. RIGHT UP TO HIS LAST DAYS, HE CALLED ME "TEDDY." I HATED ANY ONE CALLING ME THIS, INCLUDING MY PARENTS, BUT FOR WAYNE, IT WAS STRANGELY ENDEARING, AND I LEARNED TO LIVE WITH IT!
     SEVERAL YEARS AGO, I TOLD SUZANNE, AND RIGHT OUT OF THE BLUE, THAT I'D LOVE TO BE ABLE TO RENT OUR FORMER APARTMENT, UP ON ALICE STREET, AND SPEND ONE ENTIRE YEAR, LIVING AND WRITING THERE.....TO REKINDLE THE CURIOUS CULTURE THAT ENVELOPED THE PLACE FOR THAT ENERGY FILLED DECADE. IT WAS AFTER THE DEATHS, FIRST OF MY MOTHER MERLE, AND THEN MY FATHER ED. SUZANNE TOLD ME I'D BE TOO CONSUMED BY THE MEMORIES OF THEM, AND THE FAMILY LIFE OF ONCE, TO BE EVEN REMOTELY IMPARTIAL, SUCH THAT THE COPY WOULDN'T READ LIKE AN OOZE OF CANDY COATED HALF-REALITIES. AT FIRST I DISAGREED BUT THE MORE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, I KNEW SHE WAS RIGHT. IF I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THIS PERIOD, I HAD TO BE AT A DISTANCE, SO AS NOT TO BE INFLUENCED BY THE SENSES.....LIKE THE DRIFT OF DINNER TIME COOKING, MERGING TOGETHER AS THE PREVAILING ATMOSPHERE, LIKE I ADORED AS A CHILD. TEN APARTMENT COOKS, AND THE TANTALIZING MIX OF KITCHEN COOKERY, AND "THE HUNGRY KID." IMAGINE THE MERGING OF SUPPERS IN PROGRESS, ON MULTIPLE STOVE-TOPS, ARRIVING AT OUR THIRD FLOOR LEVEL, WITH THE SCENT OF LIVER AND ONIONS, BURNING PORK CHOPS, SIZZLING STEAK, BOILING BRUSEL SPROUTS AND APPLE PIE CRUSTS, FOAMING OVER WITH SWEET JUICES. IF I SMELLED THE SAME TODAY, IN THAT BUILDING, I MIGHT WELL COLLAPSE TO MY KNEES IN TEARS, SUDDENLY MISSING MY PARENTS AND ALL THOSE CHARACTERS WHO MADE THE WEBER APARTMENTS A COMMUNE OF KIND NEIGHBORS. I CAN BE OBJECTIVE FROM AFAR. NOT CLOSE UP.
    SOME OF MY FINEST AND MOST MEMORABLE CHRISTMASES, WERE IN THE COMPANY OF MY PARENTS, IN THAT MODEST RESIDENCE, OF THE WEBER APARTMENTS. HOW SO, YOU ASK? PLEASE JOIN ME TOMORROW, FOR A CLOSER LOOK, AT WHAT A POOR FAMILY, WITH MODEST PROVISIONS, FOUND FESTIVE, LIVING WITH THOSE OF SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCE, IN THE LITTLE TOWN SITUATED HALFWAY BETWEEN THE EQUATOR AND THE NORTH POLE. SANTA ALWAYS FOUND ME AND MY MATES DWELLING IN THOSE TEN APARTMENTS    OF ONCE UPON A TIME. AND I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT SKIING DOWN THE STAIRS, AND THE ADULTS WHO TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY....OF BEING TOO FESTIVE FOR THEIR OWN GOOD.